past server 1

i did not existed all along
i wasn't there where i thought i belonged

"what will i lose? i wont lose something i dont have or never had. do what makes you happy. don't use me as a reason for what you do..."

duped, taunted, laughed at, disowned
my belief now, can't do anything about it
because it is as simple as doesn't care, all along.

:) i'll just paint a smile to remember those things.

emotions

i'm tired of writing
i have to stop believing
and deny, air's existence,
love's romantic definitions,
positive outlook in living,
and longed life have been dreaming
words are not persuasive for faith
actions are not good enough to hope
i'm tired, and want to rest
in silence, deep in my darkness.

glance

bewitching the aesthetic me
from those ruins you ought to see
every stance i keep myself busy
ending it with a night you in my memory
thoughts of you that made me plea
for a self changing love i dreamed to be
struggled but mostly things are happy
summons your presence daily
tied myself with you hourly
preferred to be with you than to be free
smiled from the pains of reality
apprehended these times of being lonely
with the laughters shared joyfully
filling empty you, with your ghost so lovely
happy, contented though away from sanity
hallucinations lingers till you fade away
till pain will turn to ashes and drips freely
shields are up and now walks the journey
i'm thanking you for all you've done to me
worthwhile to take a glance, of me being free




‎"I know I promised myself not to write about her anymore, but that’s like ignoring the presence of oxygen and sunlight—an inappropriate metaphor but you get the point." -- Lourd de Veyra

i miss you too...
:')

smile

i hope you're happy now




my lost love

and

warm kisses

be with you forever.



bye travian
:')

spaghetti loop of "Life"

boot sectors are down,
memory usage burns,
accessibility hangs,
disabled structured operation
through frequent crashing
and processor intrusions
now unable handle exception.
fed by zeros and ones,
pushed by procedures and routines,
journalizing new instructions
in ext4 filesystems.
for new operating system
minimizing bugs and trojans
and flush some obsolete commands.
with every queue delay instance,
be reading your data compilation
and help this ocular lens
be impenetrable by infections.
to jam and freeze the keys from
automated and redundantly pressing " :(( "

sad thoughts

hate is indescribable feeling
a thought that swallows the being
whether fallen or have risen
nothing matters, unwilling to listen
blinded and tricked with sound maiden
lifeless now and has no meaning
hope desired and love dreaming
nothing, all crumbled and beaten
all sad thoughts will be living
as a curse on life never have been
will hate and will always hating

reversal echoes

life is not perfect cause we cant redo things to live it perfectly.
thus, it is perfect cause we do things authentically.

that's life.
missing the past, loving the past.
but we live in present time.
and we will live on future.

i want life.
and i need life.
we love or not, life would be called life
if we make it real and not tend to make it real.
for reality is different from dreaming of things to come true.

setting the possible equation for the theory
(love x how "we" do it) = reality = life
then in our case i would say,
"i'd rather stay doing nothing than doing something for nothing".



the scientist
by coldplay

Come up to meet ya,
tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you,
tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets,
and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start

Running in circles,
comin' up in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science,
science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

And tell me you love me,
come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles,
chasing tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ooooohhhhhhh [x4]



quoted comment of the song from the web:
"...it means someone falling in love and trying to ignore it and not making sense of how theyre feeling because hes trying to think of love in a logical way, when you really cant. and in the process hes losing that person." by qtbrit412 posted 04-16-2006

state of mind

hatred wished to join silence
silence embraced hate for comfort
fell on bottomless space
no one can subdue their pace
till the end, hate rules
hate will never depart, will live
not in vile but in peace.

~ prettier way to say...
"leave me alone.."
:'D:'D:'D

travian

quite good, mind reading decision making moves.
the more time exerted, the more passion laid.
with strength and love she gave,
devoting time and affection.
leaving reality behind,
pushing something unreal but
redirecting life to be occupied.
she gives me such intensity
this flesh reaching its limits, and beyond.
and that's how i love her.
such a baby, my honey so sweet to be with.
with those unpredictable moment i rush,
and metaphorically said words.
those tears i've cost her,
and bleeding nights of heart.
you're always there with me, for me.
when boredom swallows my day,
she lights me up, enraging the fire
casting out my stone-scaled skin
incinerating impossibles in life.
to move on, and be happy with it.

(chuckle)

senseless heartbeat

you came as a goddess of the wind.
chilly, densed and foreign scented.
swirling around having fun.
unnoticed, i was with you.
mortal came handed me to you.
whats with you im not aware
as one of those goddess
your every word is a law.
my shield trembled,
but my temper raised.
shut your eyes to me,
but still can hear you.
that mortal came and touched me.
delivered your word and gratitude.
he was a medium, a peace keeper.
clashing reaction seized.
uncloaked myself from you.
voiced whatever my mind tells.
with your words, you lifted me.
and unveiled yourself on me.
swirled around me, having fun
its bad, my heart came to speak
but i turned my back on you
heart's pushed to darkness.
i need to be away, its bad
my heart feels comfort with you.
he rhymed with your heartbeat.
but it shouldnt be.
you sob, its bad i havent closed my eyes.
saw your heart's cry, guilty, i froze
touched and cuddled you in my arms.
feeling sorry, i'll not leave you anymore.
at every night we touch each others hand.
one time you whispered you love me.
and my heart blushed, i love you too.
smiled all through the night, hearts beat together.
unaware of what's next,
or when we will be one.
just closed my eyes and feel you
swirl with you, with your voice.
with how you shared your life
and every smiles you do and laughters.
with who you are, and how we are.
till my mind and heart will be settled to sleep.

amf

i love her but i dumped her..
look how foolish i am..
tsk tsk
this is what im tellin.
crossing borders would be a mess,
sumthing that would tremble my reality.
splitting my being, soul departing the flesh.
tsk ouch..
not much emotions, not too much.
coz i need to.
creepy unseen evolutions,
and im turnin more than a freak i was.
tsk.
what a "Friday" it is..
i'll hold on you..
wait for you.
im sorry for the foolish deeds.

TRAVIAN: Philippine Server 1 Entry I

A girl sobbing messaged her bestfriend askin', "bes, how would i know that
a boy loves me and would stay with me for a longer time?" it always happens whenever
her relationship comes uneasy and falling. her bestfriend didn't reply to her msg.
instead, fetched the girl and gave her a dinner treat in an "isaw" restaurant,
and enjoyed the night with petty stories bout their childhood.
after sometime, the girl called her bestfriend confiding her griefs about her boyfriend who is dating somebody else, and not acknowledging any of her calls anymore.
the bestfriend went online and ordered flowers for the girl with a note, "he's not your loss and he doesn't know how valuable the treasure he just have left."

its has been a while that the girl didn't bother her bestfriend.
concerned bout the girl, the bestfriend, with flowers and an old box nicely tied with a ribbon went to the girl's place one night for a visit, rang the doorbell and was shocked. A stranger, almost naked, buttoning his jeans opened the door. dropping the flowers and the box by the door, the bestfriend struck the stranger's face and they began to collide with each other. the girl, seeing all this, lost her temper and drove her bestfriend away. the girl was angry and asked the bestfriend not to bother her anymore.
as the bestfriend left, the girl picked up the flowers and the box then threw them away not bothering to look at it.

the next day, an old lady- a beggar, knocked on the girl's door with the flowers and the box on her arms. she told the girl to keep what she just have thrown, cause it might mean a life to her and worth to keep. the girl was moved by the old lady's eyes and took the box.
month's passed and the boyfriend left her again. she remembered her bestfriend and the box that the old lady returned to her. she decided to open the box and saw a note that says: "march 1, 2009 and it's been 18 years." inside the box contains her letters to the bestfriend, their keepsakes, a small photograph album containing their chosen memorable portraits from childhood to later years. and at the bottom she found letters for her, unmailed ones with blotches of ink made from tear drops mostly on addressee portion. most of it are dated in their teenage years to college years....

and one unique card, a new one, written:

"keep this key for it holds all the answers of those unanswered questions you've been asking for so long and only the beholder of this key can unlock the heart thats been so long reserved and dedicated."

inside the card is a neatly fastened braided silver and gold necklace with a petite gold key amulet. unconciously, tears ran down her eyes. at that moment, she realized that all those years, her bestfriend always comforts her whenever darkness covers her. laughs with her from all those naughty things shes done with her lovers. treated and pampered her like a princess, gave life to every hopelessness she have in life.
her mind flashed to everything that she has been through with her bestfriend..

... He was the best guy she ever had.