redirecting backwards

uhmmn
voice tapping my shoulders
time to look back, someone still waiting.
she's been there along the time with pains
a dumb question is, "is she there for me?"
that i will find out, "is she back for real?"
for the life i have pleaded before.
and have she learned much from those pains?
from casting herself away from those chances?
to much questions, it'll be left unanswered again.
hope it'll not be as it was in those dark ages.
uhmmn
how bout an another pleading?
for a change, for a stronger bond
in reconstructing and solving mazes
day dream again, can we? can i? can her?
in this rainy day, thoughts runs my mind.
tsk this darkness really makes me think a lot.
uhmmn
hoping for better things to happen.
hoping you've learned lot of things
hoping you're ready for a serious life.
hopes... hoping it'll not fade again.

~4/26/10

then @4/30/10:
just days passed, hopes again fails... fades.
those hopes for u to change.. tsk!
u never change.. not even a bit.
just those fake smiles and presence.
now im asking again myself, why the hell did i marry you?
all the while, we keep on blaming and blaming
who did it first, who provoked it
its unending loop of clashes
wish i could step backwards
and follow what i felt before.
late to do, but not too late to fix.
errrrrrr life is so stupid!!!!
so damned!!!