redirecting backwards

uhmmn
voice tapping my shoulders
time to look back, someone still waiting.
she's been there along the time with pains
a dumb question is, "is she there for me?"
that i will find out, "is she back for real?"
for the life i have pleaded before.
and have she learned much from those pains?
from casting herself away from those chances?
to much questions, it'll be left unanswered again.
hope it'll not be as it was in those dark ages.
uhmmn
how bout an another pleading?
for a change, for a stronger bond
in reconstructing and solving mazes
day dream again, can we? can i? can her?
in this rainy day, thoughts runs my mind.
tsk this darkness really makes me think a lot.
uhmmn
hoping for better things to happen.
hoping you've learned lot of things
hoping you're ready for a serious life.
hopes... hoping it'll not fade again.

~4/26/10

then @4/30/10:
just days passed, hopes again fails... fades.
those hopes for u to change.. tsk!
u never change.. not even a bit.
just those fake smiles and presence.
now im asking again myself, why the hell did i marry you?
all the while, we keep on blaming and blaming
who did it first, who provoked it
its unending loop of clashes
wish i could step backwards
and follow what i felt before.
late to do, but not too late to fix.
errrrrrr life is so stupid!!!!
so damned!!!

a bid to silence

as autumn goes
part of the tree falls
leaves detaches itself and dries
facing series of winter days
cold, with whistling winds
swinging warm hearts to rest
sad sonata rhyming the heart beats
enclosing the love and memories
as tears slowly drops
from those gliterring brown eyes
sealing the story from these papers
with silence, reality, and tears,
to my old brown box...

hellic friday

sad to know someone gave up.
i knew she was strong.
i knew she was..
but then she fades..
i love her, she needed time
i always think of her,
the moment i have let go of my emotions
i shouldn't have let her know
i shouldn't have to..
bond between the two of us would be great
no pains, no looping thoughts, not lot of worries
but its worth to have those, at least i've expressed
told me, "kaya ka ba nagmamahal ng may mahal na iba kasi di ka ready sa commitment?"
another, "kasi ung mahal moko noon, at single ako, di sapat na reason ung takot ka"
and "iwan moko ulet"
all i could grab to breathe is to say "BYE"
its my weakness
a black hole, absorbs everything to darkness
till be charged and normalized again.
yeah, u may throw those words to me
for i am one big bin of pains and hatred,
shielded with a uncontrollable ferocity and courage
yet, cowardice circulates within my heart.
tightly secured, burst outs anger when endangered.

devil's grin

:D

ever thought of havin a good time
crunching codes from night time
from its most evil grin to its frown
settling down its momentum on dawn

:D

smile, do as a clown's smirk
solace i am asking to burp
dark skies lightens to its torque
and body's flux turns me to dork

....mya ulet

you are,

all my reasons.
all my senses.
the heart's rhythm
the soul's harmony
a smile, keeps me up high
a pair of hands, molds me worthy
the daily mood swinger
the daily resting place
there holding me, by wind
there kissing me, by soul
everything my thought runs
everything my heart follows
a star, i wanna reach
a soul, i wanna be with
you, whom i love, no one matters
you, who made heart and mind now as one.
a dot who ended the questions
a spark who begun the changes
my life
my soul

:(
someone else's girlfriend
in loved with him
just a dream
a smile, hard to have as reality flashes
a love, who owns the "must haves" i always wanted.
... and always be in my heart,

"i may not be the one beside you,
still, i love you."

another ghost

saw her again, her portraits.
those smiles, touches
memories at the hill top
at the crocodile farm
jack's ridge, at broke
most of all at her father's rested place
missing you, so much.
that i wanna scream right now.
teary eyed now..
thinking how much i love you.
devastating affection we lived
for a couple of months.
lifted our souls more than we thought we could
i loved you and u do too with me.
thought you to be brave and strong.
thought me how to love, how to do it more than myself.
sobs.. its all my heart can do now,
pushing some pearly tears out from my eyes.

aftermath

crushed into the grounds
headaches fainting into heartaches
her silence accused justified reasons
colder than an icicle on wastelands
trepidly walking through as eyes burns
dusted with fowl smell of loneliness
skin scaling from those curses
damned, cast away to forsaken gardens
a pariah, conceals my leper face
into darkness, my affectionate darkness
no more dwelling with the gods
nor with whirling fickle fairies
shuns all dwelling life forms
occupied by hymns and chants
to heal the disarranged stars
renewing its positions and glitz
that will provide me directions
and succumb the last beat to silence...

purple saturday

lovely purple shades my day
a tint of blue and a ray
of red twisted then fray
friction morphed me to fay
hearts magical beat says
you painted my ways
silent affection stays
so as with pain that pays
thus these red and blue sways
from yellow it turned to gray
just a reach from our bay
and time you need to lay
someday, this i always pray

....

tuesday puzzle

13th...
exhausted, cranky, pressured
silent, busy, unstable thoughts
codes, reports, travian, "her" especially
accoustics, tear drops, sighs, heartbeats
keys, buttons, pointer pads, her pics

(think..)

pissed off, grainy flowing affection felt
endurance drips, soul's descending
head low, dizzy and swirling down

sighs again

need to finish this
already feeling dizzy
loosing my senses
tired, tolerance is low
care isn't given a chance
rest is all i want now
darkness intend to lay upon
silence longs to hug me
just a fake smile
its all i can do right now
a sudden laugh
to a inexpressive period.

30 mins down to 14th
feeling better now
a 13th sickness
a nearly good nap fixed me up
plus a good smoke and coffee
never mind dinner
havent thought much of it
as i opened the gateway
messages struck my settling point
whispers from a single person
toast me up, flew me again.
she's a goddess
every stroke her mind
breaks or boosts my vulnerability
closing my eyes again
as thoughts encircles you
swirling around like a wind
weaving darkness to warm me up
figuring out senses
to touch which is wrong or right
hmmmnn
another thought to linger on


a last edit for the post
maybe..

"i love you.."

time, an endless quest

nice words..
expressive and chilly..
truth as it persuades
"just a matter of time"
stand and push life
into its meaning
these shackles
these chains
will just last..
"a matter of time"
freedom soaring, waiting
to choose its rested heart.
smiles...
soon.





You`ve got your brilliant borders
your grandiose throne
you`ve got everything you wanted
but still there`s something wrong
all you`ve now accomplished
is just one big charade
because everytime you sleep
is the same when your awake

alone

so put it all away into a brand new day
do what you must
but the problem doesn`t fade
as nothing that now happens
can make things change
the fact that you must face the problems

you are alone

so past these brilliant borders
you now must venture on
past a personal wasteland
it`s best to try to make a home
cross into tomorrow
and build a brand new throne
or forever be content to live your life

shett!!!

i love eU!!!

a kiss for u

thinkin of you..
almost forgetting daily routines..
... my real word.
walking around,
doing things,
daily thoughts,
... using my heart not my logical reasons.
im messed up,
totally dwelling within your realm.
i love you.
i love you..
i love you...
rhythm keeps on..
pumping these messages
circulating on my veins
rushing through my brain.
God i fell deeply, unhurt.
but with scars from the past.
giving me nightmares
troubling my sleep
on this waters beneath.
heart rests on you.
soul embraces you.
these words are not enough,
thoughts are incomplete,
intellectual conversion of this emotions
needs an infinite mind of reasons
to tell you how i love you.
how i longed to say these to you.
and make you feel the love i do,
settled.. in peace...
with you.

your pains and me

i prefer to be a sinner then.
i'm reaching out my hand as a friend,
but hatred with self-pity made you stunned
now, im waiting for my smile's respond.
im your friend..
i'll stand beside you and make you laugh.
grab you up if your down,
tap your shoulders when leading to nowhere.
just stay focus on your track
keep you heart and spirit up
walk your journey with freedom
as i do to mine...

there he screams...

with the tune of halik ni hudas.
munching every bytes and codes,
killing every village and troops
berserker marching, insanely they seems.
babbling under water
pulling all the nerve
sweating out black ink.
hahahaha am i bleeding?
with blazing eyes
hazy faced on moonlight
leading a throng of shadows
cutting every soul enlightened
dissolving all life forms of love
creating menace and hatred.
marching under the cloak of darkness.
wind hushes a fading devil screams..